Lucifer - 'Pilot'

Our regulars: Mazikeen (Lesley-Ann Brandt), Lucifer (Tom Ellis), Chloe Decker (Lauren German), and Amanadiel (D.B. Woodside)

I came at Lucifer, an adaptation of sorts of Mike Carey's successful and well-regarded spin-off from Neil Gaiman's The Sandman, via the recommendation of a friend of mine. To quote this recommendation verbatim:

"Lucifer...is still abysmal and should get some kind of strange medal for being the only paranormal procedural that actually puts me into some kind of trance of boredom. [My partner] took away my phone to make me watch it last week. I still couldn’t follow the plot as I kept zoning out to ponder things such as ‘the colour of my skirting boards’ rather than pay attention to the atrocity on screen"

The fact that I regard this as a recommendation may tell you something about me, but as it is nothing that my friend doesn't already know, I maintain that this is a recommendation and that this is therefore Her Fault (TM).

Tom Ellis really captures the essence of the character, as long as we assume
that the essence of the character is that 'he' wears a suit and leans on things.

So, Lucifer got fed up of Hell and moved to LA. Plus ca change, I hear you cry, but please don't; if you make too many jokes the series might start to think you're having fun and we wouldn't want to encourage it. Bored out of his mind, he runs a nightclub called Lux and sleeps around with the human women who find him carnally fascinating without his even trying. Now, I don't really know the comic character past Sandman, but I'm pretty sure his club was more of a lounge bar with piano than a TV-tame fetish bar, and that setting and Lucifer's abilities in the series - immortality, a nigh-irresistable sexual charisma (they say) and an ability to compel people to name their desires and transgressions - frankly smack more of Desire of the Endless (except very much heterosexual, of course.)

When a musical protege is gunned down outside the club, Lucifer finds a new hobby in assisting LAPD detective and former actress Chloe Decker with the investigation. Decker is basically immune to his abilities, suggesting that she is either a saint or very complicated (or both,) and from a fascination with this and generic ennui, Lucifer decides to become her partner.

The worst thing about Lucifer is that there are clearly moments when it clicks, but they are few and far between. Tom Ellis is pretty good at the easy-going charm thing, but the script tries much too hard, and for every line which zings with the necessary mix of disdain and wit, there are three that fall flat and one which just has Lucifer acting like a particularly socially inept frat boy. Moreover, Ellis fails when the script calls for Lucifer to ramp it up. The former lord of Hell requires a certain blistering intensity in his wrath; a challenge for any actor, and Ellis doesn't have it.

Lauren German is... okay, but given how extraordinary Chloe Decker is supposed to be, okay doesn't cut it. Lesley-Ann Brandt as Mazikeen is - charitably - phoning it in and D.B. Woodside has all the wrong kind of intensity as Amanadiel, an angel tasked with - apparently - bookending each episode by giving Lucifer a nagging. With a heavy-smoking British lead, moral-compass female deuteragonist and hectoring black angel, it was hard not to look at this as a deeply inferior version of the already imperfect Constantine series, and Lucifer as what John would be like if he thought a thousand-dollar suit and a posh accent would make him classy.