Terminator: Genisys

You know what I love about this film? Terminators running at each other. It makes such a change from stalking forward, unloading weapons they know to be useless.

As is now my wont, there is a big spoilery review at the BMM. For shortsies, this is yet another humungous budget relaunch of a once great, now largely moribund franchise with a slightly hipper awareness of gender politics. It's big shift is actually not the altered timelines or the pre-militarised Sarah Connor, but the fact that this time Sarah Connor is actually the point. It's not about saving John Connor; it's about Sarah.

With the black hair and the accent, it's pretty easy to distance Emilia Clarke from her most famous role (although oddly less so from her appearance in Coldplay's musical version,) but I feel for poor Matt Smith. It's rough breaking out from the Doctor's shadow, even if your big chance isn't the definition of wibbly wobbly timey wimey (which it is.) It's not that he's without range, it's just that by the time he gets to say or do anything, he's been looking meaningful in the background so much that I half expected it to be a silent cameo implying that the Doctor was watching the time jump and wordlessly taking the piss.

And just for the record, Schwarzenegger does a better job reinventing himself here than in just about any other movie on his CV, and 'Pops' is far more convincing as a programmed quantum physicist than  Mr Freeze was as a Nobel winning decathlete.

The Summer of Lovecraft

Over on the Bad Movie Marathon, we're doing a thing; a themed season. In amongst the general mish-mash of bad movie reviews and not-so-bad movie reviews and even some good movie reviews, you'll find a whole set of reviews covering adaptations of the works of H P Lovecraft in the run up to what would have been his 125th birthday, had he been some sort of ageless immortal*. We're calling it:

Why not head over and take a look?

We're also looking at this as a chance to attract new readers, so if you know some folks who love Lovecraft, why not point them our way?

* Okay, technically it's still his 125th birthday, we just tend not to count it when the person is dead.

Jurassic World

"Dance off, bro! You and me!"

This is the spoiler free review: The big, spoilery version is at the Bad Movie Marathon, although as ever this does not mean I thought it was bad.

Fifteen years after Jurassic Park (help!) Isla Nublar is a full-on dinopark run by Claire Dearing, an ultracompetent badass in heels, and the hero of this film whatever anyone, including the film, may try to tell you. With some slight help from various men, she has to contain a rogue dino and save a whole bunch of tourists, although her career is pretty well in the can.

Like Mad Max: Fury Road, Jurassic World is a franchise revival with a bit of a feminist slant, although not as much and perhaps almost against its own intentions. I think you're supposed to like raptor wrangler Owen Grady a bit more than I did. It's a little bit same old same old - island, dinosaurs, lost children - but with enough twists to keep it interesting, just not fascinating. Although easily the best Jurassic Park since Jurassic Park, my expectations have been hiked, and there isn't quite enough meat on this one to be more than a snack. A good snack, but a snack nonetheless.

And then you found me

We present some highlights from the list of search terms which brought people to the Bad Movie Marathon:

• logan marshall green bites the bullett - I'm not sure what Steve McQueen did to deserve being bitten.
• dolph lundgren bad knees - That's super specific and I'm not sure why Dolph's knees, bad or otherwise, are of such interest.
• sex scene from amazons and gladiators - Seriously, dude, it is not worth it.
• why does kiefer sutherlands character in pompeii look confused when asked about the new emperor - He just woke up and saw where he was. He was like, 'man, did I agree to be in a film while high again.' Oh, wait; I think I'm thinking of Charlie Sheen in... everything*.
• b- movie ninja nymphs in europe - Is that, like, the continent, or the band?
• matthew broderick film about iguanas - Yep; that's your new tagline 1990s Godzilla. It's more than you deserve.
• captain america 1990 the pen of my aunt - I am right there with you, pal. "Vere is the pen of my aunt!"
• hammer films heaving bosoms - Okay, fair; I do have a heaving bosoms tag that is attached to virtually all the Hammer films I've covered.
• dolph lundgren penis - I fear I may have disappointed you, but look at his poor knees!
• the lost future 2010 sex scene in house - That is an oddly specific and not terribly good sex scene to be so interested in (but probably better than the one in Amazons and Gladiators, if only on account of it not being in Amazons and Gladiators.)
• whats the movie where the incest family eats embalmed bodies - That is in fact a completely fair description of Hemoglobin. No, it's not about vampires.
• very nasty naked erotic film votch - Again, I hope that I disappointed you with this search.
• gratuitous +sex+screw - What does adding 'screw' really add to the search, I wonder.
• movie blind man kills wife boat softcore - I'm not sure I've covered a film in which a blind man kills his wife boat. Wasn't that the plot of the AI pre-release ARG?
• shaw brothers films gratuitous sex scenes - We've not covered any Shaw Brothers films, with or without sex scenes.
• pictures of julie sand in movie warlock 2 - I think you mean Julian, unless I just crossed over into a gender-flipped dimension. The absence of searches for Dolly Lundgren's bad knees or ladyparts suggests that I haven't.
• gratuitous sex scenes shaw brothers - Seriously? What is the deal with this?

The Bad Movie Marathon - drawing in class acts (at one location, and under one name, or another) since 1998.

*I kid of course; Charlie Sheen hasn't come down in years.

Bad Movie Round-up

I've added a fair few entries to the Bad Movie Marathon lately, so if you like bad movies you can check that out. As ever, BMM reviews are pretty spoilery.

New additions include Prometheus, a SyFy creature feature called Dragon Wasps, Jack the Giant Slayer and the new Hercules movie, which is actually pretty good but has so many traits of bad movies that I felt it should go up. I also added Dracula: Prince of Darkness, which is actually one of the better Dracula films, but we seemed to be shockingly light on vampire movies.

My fellow reviewers have also been busy. Sally has given us a review of 300, and James has added Nazi Zombie Death Tales.

Finally, I've created a Prometheus drinking game, for those who can't take the pain.

Time for a change

"What's the site called?"

"The Bad Movie Mecca."

"Oh, that's brave."

Well, no it isn't. Calling my blog the Bad Movie Mecca was a callback to a student joke, and increasingly I've been aware that it was potentially offensive without making any actual point, and I figure if you don't have a point to make, it's not worth being offensive. If you mock those with faith just because you don't have any, you just turn into Richard Dawkins.

So, welcome to the Bad Movie Marathon!