Star Wars Rebels – 'Zero Hour'

Thrawn leads from the front.

Season 3 of Rebels comes to a close with the event we've all been waiting for(1). As the Rebels of Chopper Base prepare their big push against the Imperial occupation of Lothal, Grand Admiral Thrawn brings the fight to them and demonstrates just why the Empire is as big a deal as it is.

Agent Jarrus is uncovered as Fulcrum when he tries to warn the Rebels that Thrawn is planning to ambush them when they hit the TIE Defender factory. He tries to take Thrawn on, but the Grand Admiral is surprisingly tasty in a hand-to-hand confrontation. Jarrus gets a warning out, but the signal direction and the course of a supporting Rebel fleet under General Dodonna (Rebel Santa from A New Hope) allow him to triangulate the location of Atollon, despite the absence of a planet on the Imperial charts.

Sato's sacrifice.

As Phoenix Squadron attempts to evacuate, with support from Dodonna's fleet, Thrawn brings in the big guns: A wedge of Star Destroyers and a pair of Interdictors to prevent anyone escaping to light speed. Hemmed in, the Rebels retreat to the shelter of Sabine's force field, while Commander Sato sacrifices himself and his ship to ram one of the Interdictors – killing Admiral Konstantine – and give Ezra a window to escape and find help.

Senator Mon Mothma is unable to send any more of the Rebel fleet, so Ezra goes to the only other place he can think of, asking for help from the Mandalorian badasses of Clan Wren. They have a lot of their own stuff going on, but agree to lend their aid in return for future assistance in punting Imperial influence out of Mandalorian politics. Meanwhile, Kanan looks for aid more locally, but finds the Bendu just as pissed at him for bringing violence to his home as it is at the Empire.

Hera stares down the bombardment.

The shield on Atollon, not a patch on the later Hoth job, barely holds against an Imperial bombardment. Under Hera's lead, Rex and Zeb take out a few scout walkers with heavy ordnance, but then the AT-ATs arrive and steadily push back to the base, despite Kanan taking one out with a lightsabre cut to the leg. Apparently Luke was overcomplicating. Once more, the Rebels are forced to take flight, hoping that help will arrive in time.

As Thrawn arrives on the surface, the Bendu attacks. As the balance of Light and Dark, it turns out it doesn't just have a great line in gnomic wisdom, it can also ride around in a storm cloud and decapitate AT-ATs with Force lightning, because FUCK YEAH, TOM BAKER JUST BLEW UP AN AT-AT! Even Thrawn is rattled, although not so much that he can't direct his troops to shoot at the heart of the storm, bringing the Bendu down.

Fuck yeah!

Meanwhile, in space, the Mandalorians attack(2), crippling the second Interdictor's gravity wells. Jarrus needles Governor Pryce until she orders him thrown out of an airlock, giving him a chance to escape (a ploy so obvious that basically all the show gives us is Jarrus smiling as he's led into the lift, then there's unconscious guards and five minutes later he's calling the Ghost from an escape pod.) 

The Rebels escape to light speed.

Thrawn tries to first interrogate and then – faced with a prophecy of his defeat – execute the Bendu, but it vanishes with a booming laugh. The Rebels retreat to Yavin 4 to lick their wounds, while Sabine returns to Clan Wren with the hope that Hera can bring help in their battle with Clan Saxon.

"I see your defeat. Like many arms surrounding you in a cold embrace."
"Well, that's my afternoon knackered."

'Zero Hour' closes out Season 3 in epic style, with the largest battle we've seen to date on the show. When Rebels began, it was small scale, the Firefly of Star Wars, but now it's working on the same scale as one of the movies. Indeed, 'Zero Hour''s space-and-planetary battle puts the Battles of Yavin and Hoth to shame, with only the Battle of Endor and the climax of Rogue One really comparing. Back in my review of Season 1, I said: "Overall, Rebels is not a dead loss, but has more good parts than good episodes." I hold by that impression of Season 1, but the last two years have made such a difference. I liked The Force Awakens and Rogue One, but for my money, Rebels is the best Star Wars being made at present, and I really hope that the crew – especially those inconvenient Jedi who need to be got out of the way at some point so that Luke can be The Last Jedi(3) – get a proper send-off somewhere, rather than ending up reported dead in the background action of Rogue One.

Back to the here and now, pretty much everyone gets something in this finale. Wedge and Hobbie are there in the space battle. Thrawn is awesome. Hera, taking over from Sato, holds the whole thing together. Kanan continues his arc from reluctant teacher to primo mentor material and Ezra and Sabine's Mandalorians kick all kinds of jet trooper arse, despite Ezra not having a proper jetpack. Chopper and AP-5 bitch and snark. The Bendu is terrifying, but not so all-consumingly badass that he overshadows the main cast. Even Rex and Zeb get to blow shit up. It is all kinds of awesome.

(1) At least, those of us who weren't focused on last episode's showdown.

(2) In a ship that's built to drop flying badasses into space off a rack and then pick them up later. It's like the dropship in Edge of Tomorrow, but in space.

(3) My dream resolution on this would be for Luke to send Rey to study with Ezra to 'end the Jedi' by become a Bendu, thus finally fulfilling the prophecy of balance, but I accept that that's almost certainly not going to happen.

Arrow – 'Checkmate', 'Kapuishon' and 'Disbanded'

Police officer helps out Oliver Queen, gets stabbed.

I've left this one a little long, so forgive me if the recap is a little garbled.

Okay, so, Oliver confronts Talia over why she would train Prometheus to kill him, and she reveals that he killed her father. This came as a huge shock to my girlfriend, who doesn't know Batlore, and to me, because I straight up hadn't realised that she hadn't told him her surname was 'al'Ghul'. She also gives him the name of his enemy, however, which sends him running back to Star City in a flap. He attempts to force Chase to give himself up by revealing his secret identity to his wife, but Chase murders her and that gets pinned on the Green Arrow, who – as planned – is taking one hell of a beating. In addition, Talia helps Chase capture Oliver.

The Expendables 3.5

Chase tortures Oliver to make him confess his 'secret', including forcing him to fight a broken Evelyn or see her murdered by Prometheus. Oliver tries to break them both out, but she has no fight left and when Chase returns he snaps her neck(1), causing Oliver to break down. Chase gets Oliver to admit that heroing is an excuse for killing people because he gets off on it, thus confirming the interpretation which we have never seen before. Yes, he's been worryingly okay with killing, but murder for shiggles? This is a bit left field. 

It does tie in to our latest run of flashbacks, in which Oliver tries to channel his Monster into the 'Hood' persona while working with Anatoly and the Bratva to take down Kovar and prevent a Sarin powered take over of the Russian state. Anatoly, interestingly, tells him that the whole personifying your darkness spiel is a load of crock, and if he feeds his darkness into the Hood then eventually it will become more real than him. Perhaps that is why Oliver decides to disband the team and bring in the Bratva to take out Chase, agreeing to provide a drug score in return. Diggle gets up in his face about it, eventually convincing him not to go through with the deal, which of course means that we end up with Chase not dead, the Bratva down a score and Anatoly's best men in Star City to make it a Bravta town.

"Oliver has flipped out, so we'll be operating solo for at least half an episode."

Okay, Oliver. Maybe it's time to ask if Barry has a plan.

We end this run – and hit Sky's three week break – with Oliver reuniting the team, reopening the Arrow Cave, and Felicity, Curtis and Helix managing to secure video showing that Chase is the throwing star killer, because someone needs to be getting some work done, right(2)?

With five episodes left to go, Arrow's last season of justifiable flashbacks is on shaky ground. It's not just the momentary reappearance of Evelyn and the bizarrely brief career of Ragman; the introduction of the Bratva and Helix on top of the Prometheus arc are making this a very, very crowded season, and then delivering another heavily Oliver-centric run after the early focus on the team (which here is disbanded for all of half an episode(3).) I don't buy Oliver as a secret psychopath, personally, and I feel that more attention could have been given to the fact that he's frankly damaged and has never fully confronted that fact; has barely looked at it beyond a periodic reinvention of his alias. At this point, the focus on Oliver over the team is, I think, actively harmful, especially as, whatever its strengths, Arrow has not given its lead the kind of overarching competence to justify his level of Bat-brooding (and I'm not saying that it should; I like team shows when they're done well.)

(1) Turns out this was a fakeout, which saves this being the worst case of fridging in the Arrowverse.

(2) Oh, the irony that I'm typing this up during a slow period at work.

(3) I find myself comparing this unfavourably to the beige phase of Season 2 of Angel, and that's pretty damning.

Mystery Science Theatre 3000: The Return

Gypsy, Crow, Joel Robinson and Tom Servo

It's got to be twenty years since my University pal James 'Gonzo History' Holloway first introduced me to Mystery Science Theatre 3000, a ramshackle series in which a captive held aboard the 'Satellite of Love' – first Joel Robinson, played by series creator Joel Hodgson, then Mike Nelson, played by head writer Mike Nelson – was forced to watch terrible movies by a pair of mad scientists in the bowels of Gizmonic Institute – first Drs Clayton Forrester(1) and Larry Erhardt, then the latter was replaced by hapless goon TV's Frank, who in turn was replaced by Dr Forrester's mother Pearl, who went on to become the lead Mad in the later seasons, assisted by allegedly intelligent gorilla Professor Bobo and the allegedly non-corporeal Observer – for reasons which were nebulous at best. The test subject would watch the movie in the company of two robots, Crow and Tom Servo, and make fun of it while visible in silhouette. The show began its life on local TV before graduating to Comedy Central, a theatrical movie and a final run on the old Sci-Fi Channel(2), oft known as the channel where good series went to die, eventually closing down at around about the same time I first saw it.

 

Crow, Mike Nelson and Tom Servo

 After a couple of decades in the wilderness, with various cast members creating the Rifftrax website – essentially stripping the concept to its bare bones and providing just the riffs to be listened to alongside the movie – and a Flash series centred around the bots, as well as doing non-MST3K stuff like writing a novel about fictitious killer rats(3), Hodgson launched a Kickstarter campaign which eventually funded the creation of fourteen new episodes of the series, featuring a new test subject – Jonah Heston, played by comedian Jonah Ray – and new Mads – Dr Kinga Forrester (Felicia Day), daughter of Clayton and self-described 'third generation supervillain', aided by Max, aka TV's Son of TV's Frank (Patton Oswalt), and a crew of skeleton themed mechanicals and musicians – who trap him on the dark side of the moon in order to drive him mad and perfect Kinga's 'liquid media' technology so that she can rule the world of broadcasting in some fashion.

Kinga Forrester (Felicia Day), Crow, Gypsy, Voice of Crow (Hampton Yount), Jonah (Jonah Ray), ... I have no idea who that guy is, possibly a puppeteer, Voice of Tom (Baron Vaughn), Joel (Joel Hodgson), Max (Patton Oswalt), Tom

 The show is basically the same. It's shot on digital and streamed via Netflix, so it looks much nicer than the usual YouTube VHS grab, although not so different from the recent remasters released officially. There's a new big band version of the opening music ('Love Theme from MST3K') performed by the Skeleton Crew, and it kind of throws me every time that Day is singing her own lines instead of lip-synching. It's also a bit of a shock to have the SoL's control bot, Gypsy, speaking with an actual woman's voice instead of a man's falsetto, and Tom and Crow are both more mobile thanks to the involvement of Jim Henson puppeteers and just the general advance of puppet technology. There are cameos from old cast members and others, including Mark freaking Hamill as a space carnival huckster, because why not. We even get some sort of running plot about Kinga planning to marry Jonah in a blatant ratings grab, while Max schemes to usurp her affections.

But at the core of it, it's the same old MST3K. We open with the invention exchange – dropped for most of the Nelson run – and then Kinga and Max explain how bad the movie is going to be. Jonah and the bots sit – mostly; Tom is now able to levitate in the theatre to mime interactions with the screen, and Gypsy drops in to throw out a joke twice an episode – in the theatre and riff at the movie, interspersed with skits and commercial break-style bumpers to maintain the expected pace on a streaming service. It's an incredibly affectionate recreation of the original, with a similar sense of humour evident in the riffing.

And then Jonah gets eaten, but I guess we'll look at the implications of that(4) next season, if there is one.

Meet the new Shadowrama, same as the old Shadowrama.

Season 11 – the show is internally numbered as a continuation of the original, including a nod to the 200^th episode – begins with Reptilicus, a Danish kaiju movie with a more than passing resemblance to British kaiju effort Gorgo (riffed in the original series.) This is high art, however, compared to Cry Wilderness, a shitty bigfoot movie with unexplained native American shenanigans and big game hunters and I don't know what else. Also, the Reptilicus episode features a catchy song about the kaiju of the world.

The Time Travelers is a low budget, downbeat scifi with a tacked on ending and a deeply annoying comic relief character. Avalanche is a disaster movie with actual stars (an aging Rock Hudson and Mia Farrow,) although the film is most notable for how long the Avalanche takes to arrive and how quickly it's over. During the episode, Joel and the Bots' attempt to curtail the trend of monster/disaster mashups by getting copyright on as many titles as possible.

"But the cowboy didn't like him so he shot him in the fa-ace!"
"Wow, that's meta."

Following the trend of taking its sweet time to get to the point, The Beast of Hollow Mountain is two-thirds of a western about the rivalry between a Texan rancher in Mexico and the local big noise over cattle and dames, before the frankly bizarre appearance of a third act allosaurus.

Starcrash is a 1978 Star Wars knockoff which shows that the perils of trying to knock out an effects heavy knock-off in double quick time were not discovered by the Asylum in the age of video. It stars Hammer Horror sexpot Caroline Munroe, master thespian Christopher Plummer and 80s heartthrob-turned-CBeebies bedtime story reader David Hasselhoff, which I confess is a sentence I never expected to write.

Yes, this happened.

The Land that Time Forgot is, by MST3K standards, a classic of the adventure genre, in that it is actually shown on TV with a fair degree of regularity. Starring American matinee idol Doug Mcclure at the height of his British monster movie period, it follows Mcclure and a crew of British character actors who hijack the U-boat and, due to the machinations of the German crew, end up in an isolated land filled with dinosaurs and cave people, as you do. Just in case we thought the show was getting mainstream, this is followed by Italian sword and sandal dickery The Loves of Hercules, in which a woman is cuddled to death by a tree; for realsies.

PT Mindslap.

Yongary: Monster from the Deep is the Korean Reptilicus, and is followed by a two-episode spectacular. Wizards of the Lost Kingdom is a slow, dull fantasy movie, and I'll be honest, I'm astonished that this one was never covered in the original series. Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II is an almost entirely unrelated dull fantasy movie that is slightly less slow, has more blatant T&A, but doesn't have a score by James Horner(5). Neither is as excruciating to sit through as the soul-crushingly dull Carnival Magic, but Mark Hamill sings in one of the skits, so that's topping the best of lists right there.

We continue with the deeply meta streaming service Christmas episode, featuring The Christmas that Almost Wasn't, in which Santa hires a lawyer to help him launch the department store Santa craze and prevent his landlord foreclosing on the workshop. Then we finish with another Mcclure Edgar Rice Burroughs adaptation, At the Earth's Core, in which Mcclure wears a suit reminiscent of Mark Hamill's space huckster and accidentally ends up in a hollow Earth when he and bumbling academic Peter Cushing try to drill through a hill in Wales, discovering human tribes – including Starcrash's Caroline Munroe – oppressed by psychic pteranodons.

Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Call it a comeback; I say it never left.

(1) No apparent relation to the lead in the 1950s movie version of War of the Worlds.

(2) Rather than the current SyFy Channel, home of crappy monster movies.

(3) Mike Nelson's Death Rat, by Mike Nelson

(4) I'm pretty sure that the implications will be 'none'.

(5) The score in Wizards of the Lost Kingdom is actually the one composed for Battle Beyond the Stars, but Roger Corman was never a man to waste material, be it ever so inappropriate.

TV Roundup: Person of Interest – ‘QSO’, ‘Reassortment’ and ‘Sotto Voce’, Timeless – ‘The Red Scare’, Agents of SHIELD – ‘Wake Up’ and ‘Hot Potato Soup’

Aptly enough, the them of the Shaw link in this episode is that Root wantsto believe.

Person of Interest gets heavy with 'QSO', when the team is given the number of a conspiracy theory radio host, one of whose listeners has stumbled on a Samaritan communication code embedded in AM radio signals. Reese and Root rescue the host, but he chooses to put himself back in the crosshairs by revealing the conspiracy on air. Tragically, he receives nothing in response but an ongoing parade of self-aggrandizing theories from his listeners, and a cup of poison from his producer. Root is, however, able to use the Samaritan system to send a message to tell Shaw that they are still looking. Shaw, having just been tricked into killing an innocent woman under the belief that she was in another simulation, takes heart. Fusco quits the team over Reese and Finch's refusal to tell him the truth of their situation.

There is a degree to which the show is just playing Root dressup, but it must
do wonders for Amy Acker's portfolio.

In 'Reassortment', Samaritan engineers an outbreak of a deadly flu strain to kill three medical professionals who have noticed its manipulations of an automated medical system to effect its adjustments. The team is able to provide a cure - thanks to the Machine's open system and a hastily conjured CDC alias for Root - but the outbreak still provides the justification for widespread flu vaccination, allowing Samaritan to create a massive DNA database. I wasn't clear if Samaritan was going for Worldwide, national or New York with that last one, because Person of Interest often conflates the three somewhat.

In Johannesburg, Shaw breaks out of her cell and shoots her chief jailor, Lambert before high-tailing out of the city in his car.

Elias is right; what did he expect?

In 'Sotto Voce', remote control killer the Voice returns and throws the precinct into chaos in an attempt to kill off a former associate. He is successful, but Reese and Fusco work together to survive, while Finch and Elias track his true identity. Finch confronts the Voice, and Elias kills him, challenging Finch to claim to be surprised by that outcome having asked for his help. Realising that he is in it regardless of what he knows, Reese opts to read Fusco into the Machine's existence. Shaw makes it back to New York, and after Root threatens to kill herself if Shaw decides to take her own life now, is reunited with the team.

Person of Interest remains quality TV, but more and more the deeper arc is less interesting to me than the earlier procedural set-up, delving more into human nature rather than the more speculative realm of ASI psychology. As a show that used the Machine to be about people it was excellent; as a show about the Machine, it's just pretty good, and the specifically New York setting makes less and less sense as Samaritan moves on global domination.

I never trusted her, but I only just realised that that's because she's Moira
Queen.

Timeless closed out its freshman year with 'The Red Scare'. Forced to jump with an injured Rufus and four people, Jiya – as the fourth passenger – began to suffer blackouts. Despite Flynn's machinations, setting Senator McCarthy onto them as Communist spies, they are able to contact Lucy's grandfather, Ethan Cahill, and gain access to the summit, offering Flynn an alternative path. They return to the present, where Mason assists them and Ethan provides all the records they need to set the US Government against Rittenhouse. Agent Christopher arrests Flynn before he can save his family, but promises Lucy a shot at saving her sister, but before she can take that trip, Lucy discovers that her mother is a high-ranking member of Rittenhouse and that they still have active plans for the time machine.

This has been an interesting series, and the twist with Lucy's mother gives a potential second season legs that it wouldn't have had otherwise, but something about its earnest tone has tended to make its fanciful incorporation of every famous figure in a twenty year radius into the plot of each episode seem laughable, where Legends of Tomorrow is actively improved by Einstein punching. I'm not sure I'll bother with Season 2, if it happens, given my reduced TV watching time.

When she actually wakes up, someone is in for a universe of pain.

Agents of SHIELD ploughs ahead with its LMD subseason. Agent May breaks out of her pod, only to discover that this is her new simulation, an ever expanding conflict created within a metacognitive space called the Framework. Ultimately, she finds herself captive in a recreation of Bogota in which she is able to save the Inhuman child she was once forced to kill. An attempt to bug Senator Nadeer is uncovered during a senate hearing to ratify Quake's registration under the Sokovia Accords. The team realise that someone is bugging them using LMD eyes and May realises it is her. She confronts Radcliffe, but can't turn on him. Fitz reveals he has been working on Aida as part of an investigation; they pick up Radcliffe, but Fitz realises that the real Radcliffe is already with Nadeer; this is another LMD.

The family Koenig (well, some of them.)

The Watchdogs go after Billy Koenig, who was given the task of hiding the Darkhold. The team taps Billy's brothers and big sister to retrieve the book from the Koenigs' vault. Coulson and Maybot make out - cross that off my list of things I don't really want to see in the series - but then they find the book, May's programming goes off, and while Fitz realises that Radcliffe could have used a brain scan from her treatment for ghost madness to duplicate her in time to save Coulson, Radcliffe and the Watchdogs end up with the Darkhold. The original Aida and Radcliffe LMDs are destroyed.

LMD is definitely proving a less engaging plotline than Ghost Rider, despite John Hannah's excellent turn as the slippery antivillain Radcliffe. Patton Oswalt's Koenig brothers continue to be fun, but every time they turn up I'm afraid they're going to explain them and that would ruin it. Easily the most engaging thing going on is the burgeoning relationship between Mack and Yo-Yo, which hit a bump when he started keeping things from her. Then he confessed he had to go and be with his ex-wife on the birthday of their daughter, Hope, who suffered from a congenital condition which meant that she only lived for four days and apparently Mack could be more of a huggable, vulnerable hard man woobie bear after all.

Doctor Who - 'Smile'

Poster, as always, (c) Stuart Manning

“You don’t “steer” the TARDIS! You *negotiate* with her! The still point between where you want to go and where you need to be. That’s where she takes you.”

This review will contain some spoilers.

Despite Nardole's reminder that he swore an oath to protect the vault, the Doctor decides to abuse his time travel privileges – technically if he gets back at the same time he left, he hasn't really left Earth, right? – and show Bill the future, which is a Quatermass-by-X-Files sort of place, all gleaming towers and wheat fields, and unfortunately little, helpful robots who communicate via emoji and eliminate anyone who isn't happy. Discovering that this post-exodus colony is about to experience a catastrophic interface of cryogenic revival, dead relatives and mandatory happiness, the Doctor sets out to ensure the race does not succumb en masse to a terminal grump.

The Good

Bill is still great. I love her enthusiasm, and her desire to ask questions, her resistance to the Doctor's – admittedly understandable – overprotectiveness, but also her utterly human reaction to the horror and wonder of the evolving situation.

The idea of having to be happy on pain of death is creepy AF, as any Paranoia player will tell you.

The idea of a city made of tiny robots that can detach in groups to do things is amazing, and coupled with the hostile turn, also creepy AF.

Although the conclusion is a little pat, I like that the humans are resistant to recognising the robots, and that the Doctor has to butt heads with their desire to destroy those whom they see as attacking their friends and family. It's an entirely understandable and human response to want to confront a threat, however hopeless the odds, rather than admitting and dealing with one's own tragic errors.

The Bad

The plot is a little bit 'Blink' meets 'The Happiness Patrol', but without the soon-to-be ruined iconic new aliens or Bertie Basset's psychopathic brother.

The tiny robots are called Varda, which is presumably a contraction of 'totally not the VAshta nerADA, guv,' since those are an entirely different cloud of flesh-devouring creatures.

Nardole gets left behind, and clearly won't be in next week's episode either. I'm hoping that he'll be back on board after that, because I was very much looking forward to a three-hander.

The Ugly

I guess it's needed for the plot, but how badly do you have to screw up the coding job for your emoji-bots to see 'flense and compost' as the go to solution to feeling a little down in the dumps? Even the most basic programme design would surely have 'cup of tea and a hug' as a preliminary step before giving someone up as a bad job and reducing them to bonemeal. This is what you get for hiring the lowest bidder.

Theorising

Not much to go on yet. There was a promise, there's a vault. The promise was made a long time ago, but he's still only claiming about two thousand years, so it can't have been too much time subjectively since Trenzalore.

Next week is Bill's first pseudohistorical. It's monsters at a Thames Frost Fair, so I guess its first challenge is to match up to Big Finish's Frostfire.

Top Quotes

Bill: Where are you going?

The Doctor: No idea. But if I look purposeful, they’ll think I’ve got a plan. If they think I’ve got a plan, at least they won’t try to think of a plan themselves!

Once, long ago, a fisherman caught a magic haddock. The haddock offered him three wishes in return for its life. The fisherman said, “I’d like for my son to come home from the war. And a hundred pieces of gold.” The problem is, the magic haddock, like robots, don’t think like people. The fisherman’s son came home from the war, in a coffin. And the king sent a hundred gold pieces in recognition of his heroic death. The fisherman had one wish left. What do you think he wished for? Some people say he should have wished for an infinite series of wishes, but if your city proves anything, it is that granting all your wishes is not a good idea. [...] In fact, the fisherman wished he hadn’t wished the first two wishes. – The Doctor

The Verdict

'Smile' is a solid 'first trip' episode, somewhat reminiscent of the New New York episodes of the second and third seasons of nuWho despite the rural setting, with elements of classic stories such as 'The Ark in Space' or 'The Robots of Death'. The Doctor is great and his companion fresh, but unfortunately the story as a whole lacks real originality. If proof were needed that a fresh hand is needed at the helm, it's the degree to which 'Smile' can be identified as the sum of its parts.

Score - 6/10

Doctor Who - 'The Pilot'

And of course a new season of Who means new posters
courtesy of and (c) Stuart Manning.

“Hunger looks very much like evil from the other end of the cutlery. Do you think your bacon sandwich loves you back?”

This review will contain some spoilers.

At a venerable British University (I'm saying St Cedd's College, Cambridge, until proven otherwise,) a young dinner lady is picked up for auditing the classes taught by the mysterious Doctor, who is impressed by her enquiring mind, offers her personal tuition and to sort out her paperwork 'earlier'. As they become friends she realises that he and his assistant Nardole are up to something in some sort of crypt. At the same time she grows close to another student named Heather, who has seen something odd in a puddle, but even as romance seems to be blossoming, tragedy looms and propels Bill Potts into time and space.

The Good

I like Bill. She's… right. She's what I look for in a Doctor Who companion. She's bright and inquisitive (intellect and formal education are not essential, but nuWho has yet to produce a satisfactory physical companion – its Jamie or Leela – and in that absence, smart is good,) but more importantly human. So far she shows no marked sign of destiny, just a craving for adventure and a joy in the face of the inexplicable.

Nardole is also a strong character, despite limited screen time. They've stepped back from hardcore comic relief, making him more like the Doctor's interpreter to the universe.

I liked that the problem this episode was rooted in something simple and human, as well as something vast and alien.

Photo of Susan!

Daleks and Movellans! I didn't recognise the latter at first, but of course it makes sense that the Doctor would choose a conflict in which he doesn't mind the other side being killed so much, what with them being robot douchebags.

The Bad

'The Vault' hints at arc plot, and Moffat hasn't done one of those really well since Matt Smith's first series.

The Ugly

So far, so good.

Theorising

Okay, so the Doctor appears to be locked into some sort of obligation to tend to this 'vault', whatever it is, but he's not fixed to it. I wonder if this is somehow linked to Susan, since her picture is so obviously on display(1).

Top Quotes

Nardole: First, you have to imagine a very big box fitting inside a very small box.

Bill: Okay!

Nardole: Then, you have to *make* one! [beat] It’s the second part people normally get stuck on.

"Time. Time doesn’t pass. Time is an illusion. And Life is the magician. Because Life only lets you see one day at a time. You remember being alive yesterday, you hope you’re going to be alive tomorrow, so it feels like you are traveling one to the other, but nobody’s moving anywhere! Movies don’t really move. They’re just pictures, just lots and lots of pictures, all of them still. None of them moving, just frozen moments!" – The Doctor

The Verdict

I always like it when nuWho cleans house and gets back to basics, and this is no exception. 'The Pilot' is built to introduce the series to new audiences and in part, I suspect, to reassure older viewers that they aren't planning to replace the Doctor with The All New Clara and Me Show. It introduces a pleasantly down-to-Earth companion and an arc Macguffin, although the plot does kind of skate over the fact that its central antagonist appears to be one of the most terrifyingly unstoppable things in the galaxy.

Also, damn but they like giving Capaldi soliloquys.

Score - 7/10

(1) Although it could just be representing Classic Who, with the photo of River Song to stand for nuWho.

Arrow - 'Spectre of the Gun', 'The Sin-Eater' and 'Fighting Fire with Fire'

This scene has basically no heroic shenanigans. It's a cold bit of brutal
near-realism.

Full disclosure in advance: Despite Arrow sharing a universe with Constantine, and thus with Jim Corrigan, The Spectre does not appear in the episode 'Spectre of the Gun'. I'm sad too. 

Instead, it's a political issues episode about gun crime, in which Oliver Queen resolves the tension between gun control (as represented by Curtis) and gun owners' rights (as represented by Rene, who lost his wife in a home invasion while trying to get his gun from the safe,) by talking down a despairing father who lost his own family to gun crime and appears to be seeking revenge on the city officials who didn't pass stricter gun ordnance by shooting up public buildings, and by creating a piece of civic legislation which satisfies all parties by being incredibly vaguely described.

"Oliver Queen doesn't have a patent on flashbacks, you know."

Also, Vigilante turns up and is 'Hi, I'm still here. This may be important at some stage.'

In 'The Sin Eater', Thea asks Felicity to discredit Oliver's reporter girlfriend after she asks if he's the Green Arrow, on account of… well, having seen him naked and not being an idiot, aside from anything else. There's probably a villain of the week, but honestly, we watched these three episodes over a week or so and I'm tired and hazy on the specifics of each episode to the point that I'm glad I'm not doing this professionally. Seriously, my major takeaway is that Curtis resolves to help Rene get custody of his daughter back, having lost it because he was dishonourably discharged from the Marines and after the home invasion his junkie wife's stash and his temper convinced CPS that he was an unfit parent(1).

But that wasn't in this episode.

Right! China White, Cupid and that female SCPD cop who went rogue(2) bust out of prison and go looking for Church's rainy day fund. Everyone feels responsible for shit, although mostly Oliver and Quentin, and someone tips off the SCPD that Oliver and the DA covered up the fact that the Green Arrow killed Billy Malone. Oliver is able to persuade the police that the Green Arrow was set up and still does good work, but then someone tips off the press and people start talking about impeachment.

 

Dinah Drake proves herself a natural at the vital skill of rooftop posing.

Thus to 'Fighting Fire with Fire', in which Vigilante targets Oliver for his corrupt defence of murderous vigilantes (what?) and more importantly, Curtis gets his T-spheres working. Vigilante schools the team, although he is ultimately forced to flee, and also goes toe to toe with Prometheus, or as he is revealed to be DA Chase! (Hanna called this one. If I'm honest, I thought Chase was going to turn out to be Vigilante.) Denied the chance to testify and explain his actions, Oliver holds a press conference and throws the Green Arrow identity to the wolves along with the Hood and the Arrow. I have no idea where he's going to go next. Just 'the Green' perhaps?

Thea gets Felicity to dig up dirt on political opponents and finally opts to quit before her political savagery gets as bad as her Lazarus bloodlust. Diggle has a heart to heart with Felicity about the consequences of fighting fire with fire, but although she un-frames Oliver's girlfriend (I want to say Susan,) ultimately Felicity goes the other way and throws in with Helix (or seems to; might be a trick.)

 

"I had to become someone else. Something else. I am... The Green Mayor."

This season of Arrow is determined to go just as dark as possible, although occasionally this is at the cost of sense or consistency. It's really unclear why Vigilante's reaction to Oliver's actions is to put him on a hit list instead of looking to make an arrangement, although it might make sense if we ever see beneath that mask. I don't really know. Also… I kind of miss Rory, and part of me wonders if they wrote him out because he'd built up too much rapport with Felicity for her to be able to go the way she's going if he was still around to look woobie at her.

Also flashbacks. Anatoly calls out the Bratva boss and Oliver presents evidence that Dolph Lundgren gave him an extra personal bribe to make peace, leading to a Bratva boss shootout.

(1) On the other hand, we were terrified the daughter was going to get shot.

(2) I don't remember her name because it's a real people name. Aliases are easier to remember.

Legends of Tomorrow - 'Doomworld' and 'Aruba'

Honestly, this says a lot about Damien Darhk(1).

While the rest of the Arrowverse goes on hiatus for a couple more weeks, Legends of Tomorrow wraps its sophomore season in style.

'Doomworld' sees the Legion of Doom as masters of creation. Damien Darhk rules Star City with a magical fist, Malcolm Merlyn rules the League of Assassins and Thea is his doting daughter, and Thawne runs STAR Labs and saves the world from time to time. Snart and Roary are pulling crimes and getting away with it thanks to Snart having basically bought Central City and its Police Department. The rest of the Legends have been rewritten as the Legion's bitches. Sara and Amaya are Darhk's enforcers (we open with a vigilante Felicity Smoak being killed by Sara and her mask added to Darhk's collection,) Nate is a nobody conspiracy theorist, Ray is a STAR Labs janitor and Jax is Stein's draconian supervisor on a project for Thawne to create a nuclear furnace in which the Spear can be destroyed.

Nate realises that the world is wrong, but goes to Thawne for help. Fortunately, Ray has retained a tinkering streak and created a memory gun than restores their minds. They are able to restore most of the Legends, but Stein is too frightened and alerts Thawne. A face turn from Roary allows Amaya to seize the Spear, but Snart kills her with his cold gun and Thawne dismisses both the Legends and the rebellious Legion as inconsequential.

In 'Aruba', Rip and Gideon get the damaged Waverrider working, but it has been shrunk using the ATOM suit. Ray recovers his suit and the remnants of the team return to 1916 in an attempt to destroy the Spear before reality can be changed(2). This involves them crossing paths with their past selves, and also Thawne, who of course is still able to time travel himself. Thawne kills Ray and destroys the Blood of Christ, leaving no choice but to try to use the Spear. Both sets of Legends clash with the Legion and an army of Thawne's time remnants, before Sara is able to activate the Spear. She has a spiritual heart to heart with her late sister before Thawne takes the Spear from her, but this is enough time to make one change to the original reality: Removing the power of the Spear itself.

 

"Are we missing some people?"

Without the Spear's power and seriously messing with time, Thawne is torn apart by the Black Flash, and the Doomworld versions of the Legends fade from existence. The original versions – Legends Classic – return the other members of the Legion to their respective fates(3) and head off into the wild, time-coloured yonder. Amaya chooses to continue to travel with the team, destiny bedamned. Rip chooses to walk the Earth, like Kane in Kung Fu, leaving Sara in charge. Roary suggests a break in Aruba, but a time quake caused by interacting with their past selves knocks the Waverrider into Los Angeles… in the middle of a dinosaur attack.

So, I guess the big takeaway is that Barry Allen is no longer the most irresponsible time traveller in the Arrowverse. Good for him. I have literally no more idea how or why the Legends' plan worked this time out than last season, but I think the important thing is that I didn't get suspicious of it until after I'd watched the episode. Whereas even though it was some of the best of the season, I was going 'oh, come on!' during the season 1 finale. All in all, this has been a much better season, with Amaya and even Nate a vast improvement on the Hawks, and just way more punching famous people in the face, messing with history and generally having fun with the concept, instead of visiting a succession of historical cul de sacs and failing repeatedly to be effective at stopping Vandal Savage at all.

What awaits us in Season 3? Are the Legends locked out of the main continuity, or will Star City become suddenly velociraptor rich in episode 5.22 of Arrow? Will John Diggle Jr. ever revert to Sara? Will I ever let that one go(4)? Well, at the very least I guess we have some dino-punching, perhaps Amaya invoking her inner T-rex again, and Roary growling at stuff. Man, when did I get to appreciate Dominic Purcell so much?

(1) Although it's not as damning as the absence of any mention of his family in the new reality.

(2) I'm not sure why that 1916 still exists when all of reality was rewritten, but okay.

(3) Death, redemption and death, and a crappy apartment and a daughter who despises him, respectively.

(4) No.

The Flash - 'Abra Kadabra'

"Gonna reach out and grab ya."

With Savatar on the loose and Iris’ life in the balance, it’s time for a meta of the week.

Actually, the fiendish illusionist Abra Kadabra is not a meta, and nor in this incarnation is he a magician. Instead, as in his original appearance, he is a dimension-hopping criminal from the far-flung future who uses some form of sufficiently advanced science to seem to wield magical powers. Despite this massive technological advantage, he’s stealing local tech, and although Team Flash soon capture him – with a little help from Gypsy, who has her own axe to grind with Abra Kadabra he has a trump card to play: Because he’s from the future, he knows who Savatar is and how to save Iris. He just won’t tell them unless they let him go instead of turning him over to Gypsy to be executed on her Earth. Amazingly, Barry doesn’t immediately make the executive decision to let him go, but Joe does.

The team realise that Abra is stealing the components for a time sphere, and that his capture and escape were part of an infiltration of STAR Labs to steal the power core of the Time Vault. Fortunately, this means that they can track the time sphere’s engines and Barry is able to phase Abra right out of his cockpit and deliver him back to Gypsy, he and Iris having chosen that he can not be allowed to bargain his way out of justice for the murders he has committed. Nonetheless, Barry appeals to his basic humanity, only to be told that the Flash is the hated arch enemy of generations of villains to come, and that denying him the information allows him to feel that he has hurt the Flash almost as much as Savatar did. So, you know, he’s a dick, and Barry ‘Master Planner’ Allen decides he’s going to run into the future and find out what’s what (because ignoring what Earth-3 Flash tells him has always worked out so well.)

Caitlin does the self-surgery thing from Ronin almost word for word.

During Abra’s initial attack on STAR Labs, Caitlin was injured and, despite directing Julian to operate her, she seizes in the stinger. To save her, Julian takes her power nullifying pendant so that her metahuman metabolism can heal her, which means that oops, now we have Killer Frost in the hizz-ouse.

While showy and flash, Abra Kadabra lacks an iconic power set, and his Derrin Brown get up lacks the flair of a more traditional magician’s costume. Consequently, and despite his knowledge of the future, he is a less-than stellar villain of the week. The set up for next week’s presumed conflict with Killer Frost is also a little ho-hum, because I have never been fond of the powers = evil plotline. If anything, surely Killer Frost’s powers are supposed to reflect the emotional cold inside her, which our Earth-1 Caitlin does not have? We’ve a three week wait now for what will surely be either a friendship is magic cul de sac which returns us to the status quo, or a complete downer ending which dismisses Danielle Panabaker from the show, which would kind of suck (although it would give Tom Felton a chance to look mightily woobie.)